What is Relational Trauma?

Relational trauma is a complicated phenomenon without an official diagnosis. Many mental health experts recognize it as a real condition or circumstance with serious consequences. Most relational trauma occurs in childhood and is related to attachment to parents or caregivers.

If a primary caregiver or parent does not provide a consistently safe and healthy environment and relationship for a child, that child may experience relational trauma and its lasting effects. The types of situations that may lead to relational trauma include:

Neglect or abandonment, which can be physical, emotional, or both
Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse
Domestic violence in the home
Substance abuse in the parent or caregiver
Divorce or death of a parent or caregiver
Bullying

The experience of relational trauma often results from chronic issues and inconsistency. A child may have a caring parent some of the time, only to be treated badly or abandoned at other times. This inconsistency makes a child feel unstable and unsafe, which can lead to trauma. Relational trauma is the accumulation of chronic events and mistreatment.

While it is much more common in children, adult relational trauma can result from the same types of causes in an intimate relationship. Abuse, neglect, and inconsistency in care and love can all cause relational trauma and symptoms similar to PTSD.

Signs and Symptoms of Relational Trauma

If you had attachment issues in childhood and an inconsistent or abusive relationship with a parent or caregiver, you may not experience the effects until adulthood. The signs of relational trauma often appear later, especially when you begin to establish adult relationships or become a parent.

These are some of the possible signs you may be struggling with because of relational trauma in your past:

You fear being abandoned by your partner, resulting in neediness and an inappropriate dependence on them.
You have poor self-esteem and lack confidence.
You tend to take on too much responsibility for the emotional needs of others.
You avoid conflict and carefully monitor the moods of others around you so you can adjust or accommodate them accordingly.
You feel a strong need to be self-sufficient, which can lead to social isolation.
You have a hard time managing emotions and may experience mood swings or unreasonable outbursts.
You may have other mental health issues like depression, anxiety, or PTSD. You may also struggle with substance abuse.
You have chronic health problems without an identifiable medical cause.

What are the Options for Therapy?

The good news about struggling with relational trauma is that treatment is effective. Trauma-based therapies can help people with PTSD who suffered from a single traumatic incident. They can also help people who suffered chronic relational trauma over a period of a long time.